A few days before the birth, I had light contractions for several hours, but they subsided. On the 3rd of June, contractions began late in the evening. I lay on the floor in the living room in front of the heater, just breathing through the contractions and resting with my eyes closed. A trainee midwife who was working with me came over and sat on the couch meditating while I was on the floor. A few hours later our midwife, Akal, arrived and after checking me, settled into a light sleep on the couch, as labour had not yet established.

I moved to the bedroom to get some rest and privacy and the contractions grew in intensity and strength. I was getting up for contractions then lying down in bed for rest. Finally, I stayed at the sink in the en-suite as the contractions became more rhythmic.

For some reason I was expecting the labour to be shorter than it was and felt frustrated by the apparent shortness of the contractions.

After a couple of hours some feelings began to surface. Was I ever going to have another vaginal delivery? It had been 6 ½ years since I birthed China naturally at the Royal Hospital for Women's Birth Centre. I had had a miscarriage and a caesarean and I had supported other women through a natural birth after a caesarean. I realised that I was putting pressure on myself to 'succeed', and that the notion of 'once a caesarean always a caesarean' which I had heard so many times had infiltrated my psyche. "Can you have a natural birth after a caesarean?" everyone would ask me. "I wouldn't be confident about you having a homebirth after a caesarean?" said an obstetrician. However, I knew that there was no risk of placenta previa and no reason for me not to have a natural birth.

After some time, I asked for Akal who gave me an internal examination. I was 8cm dilated with a very thin cervix. What a relief. "I am doing it", I told myself. A few more contractions, she assured me, and the cervix will be out of the way. She gave some homoeopathics (Pulsatilla) and I felt clearer in my mind and more grounded in my body.

I had a few very strong contractions and then moved to the side of the bed. I was standing up, leaning over the bed on a beanbag and Akal said, 'We are just going to breathe the baby down". I breathed down with the contractions until I felt like moving to the floor. On my hands and knees, again over the beanbag, I continued breathing down. "Blow candles", said Adrienne. I panted. Then I asked, "What's happening". "Your baby's head is out". "Is it?" I responded. The emotions bubbled up. I felt I was going to explode. I felt relieved that I'd done it, I felt grief for my past experiences, I felt like my wait to give birth again was finally over and I hadn't even felt the baby's head being born.

At this stage, we waited some time for the next contraction to birth the baby's shoulders, but it never came. I think I had exhausted myself with my expectations, my determination and my fear of not being able to give birth again. Finally, Akal asked me to push hard and the baby was born into my husband's arms with my mother, daughter and son present to witness the event. I felt exhausted; I had used up every inch of emotional and physical energy to make sure this birth was a successful home birth. I could barely hold the baby, but he was perfect. We waited for the placenta, which took a bit of assistance to deliver. I was fading into a void of no energy. I had had a small haemorrhage. My blood pressure was dropping slightly. However, nothing a banana and a glass of sweetened water could not fix. I was so proud with my family by my side. I was a mother of three. 6.46am 4th June, 2005.






















Akal Khalsa is a Sydney based midwife and provides midwifery services including: homebirths,
pre-conception consultations, childbirth preparation, nutritional advise and breastfeeding support.

For more information Contact Akal.